A quick note: Some of my blog entries will come from my own struggles. This will allow you to get to know me better and hopefully see that I’m not much different from anyone else you come across.
Now let’s turn to a subject that took me years (read: decades) to understand for myself, only having come to terms with the WHY earlier this year…
I’ll mention this to you personally/individually when we work together, or you’ll see me repeat this in this blog: Your behaviour IS your solution.
Yes, you read that correctly… take a close look at any behaviour in your life and I’m willing to bet that when you strip away the specifics, you’ll realize that the behavior in question is your solution to an issue you may not even have been aware of.
Going back to my own example:
Back in February of this year, I was sitting in a Master Coach class with some of my peers. These classes are a way to learn new strategies that we can use with our clients as well as converse with other coaches about what works for them and how they improved on some of the strategies learned previously.
On this day, we got paired up to practise the new strategy we’d learned earlier that day. We often need to come up with situations/issues/scenarios on the fly, and so I usually have a few “ready” to be used if I’m called on for the demo with the facilitators or afterwards, when we practise.
I thought to myself, my procrastination problem fits perfectly with this latest strategy, so why not give it a shot? I mean, worst case, nothing changes, better case, something would come of it and best case, I’d finally understand WHY I had this problem. (I’m not saying you procrastinate for the same reason; I’m simply giving you my example… And who knows, it may resonate with some of you.)
I’ll save you the 45 minutes of back-and-forth questioning and cut to the chase. At the end of the exercise, I fully realized and understood why I had been procrastinating… it was like a light bulb had finally turned on.
The gist is that, in any situation where I need to create something where the result is that I may be judged, I’d take my sweet time – or just not do it at all. My brain (which is meant to inform and protect me – more on that later) would distract me in order to help me avoid the unnerving prospect of being judged, whether good or bad.*
So, case in point… creating this website. I knew it was something I had to do, and wanted to do, but it existed only as an idea on a piece of paper for 6 months before any work even started… and then proceeded at a snail’s pace. But it rapidly went into overdrive once I realized that procrastination was my solution to prevent me from entering a situation where I could be subjected to the scrutiny of other people. That particular Master Coach class was my ah-ha moment where my behaviour suddenly made sense to me. I then started to look back at all the times I had put off creative pursuits or avoided action altogether and, low and behold, I found that in each and every instance, this behaviour was my brain’s way of “protecting” me from potentially being judged by others.
Now that the blinders are off, and I understand the reason why I behaved this way, my procrastination has been reduced to several hours at a time (down from a peak of several month in a row).
So, going back to the beginning… If your behaviour is your solution, what is your brain trying to protect you from? What behaviours do you engage in that act as a solution?
* For example, a “good” judgement might be that you do amazing work and get recognized by your manager… but then a co-worker friend gets jealous of that success and things become awkward between you.
Coaching as a solution
As a personal and professional coach, I will work with you to examine the nature and root cause of limiting beliefs and why you react as you do when processing what you perceive as positive or negative emotions. Then, we’ll investigate and unravel the emotion. Together, we determine what reaction you want to take (that fits with your natural disposition), and we begin the process of reinforcing positive reactions, even in uncomfortable situations.
Let’s solve what’s holding you back
Book a no-obligation, free discovery meeting with me, and let’s discuss how I can help you get to the root of your problem.
It’s time to create a better version of you!
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